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Capella Stella Fey Epling

Ode to One of Capella University's Defense Attorneys!

Capella Stella Fey Epling,
Can’t write a brief for anything!
          She perjures, she lies,
          And never complies,
Oh, what a knack for bungling!

Capella Stella Fey Epling,
Who, with L’Orange, was shamming!
          Threatened with sanctions,
          Accommodations?
But then their own work was damning!

Capella Stella Fey Epling,
Will do whatever they’re bidding!
          Blames her computer
          It can’t get much ruder!
We’re not too concerned with her pleading!

Capella Stella Fey Epling,
With Chris L’Orange explaining,
          We like toxic wastes
          But this is not in our fates
To constantly have to keep feigning!

Capella Stella Fey Epling,
She tries ever so hard at faking,
          If it’s only a font
          Then what does the court want?
So how many laws is she breaking?

Capella Stella Fey Epling,
We wonder what next she’ll be writing?
          She ignores local rules,
          Oh we hear her small mewls.
Just how much will the judge be smiting?

We hope you've enjoyed our attempt at poetry. As noted previously, we believe that Stella Fey Epling, one of Capella University's defense attorneys, has recently committed perjury. Even more disturbing is that, once again, Capella's Dream Team (consisting of Stella Fey Epling and Christian L'Orange) is believed to have committed more violations of the court's rules (even though an initial hearing hasn't yet been held). They've already been threatened with sanctions once for failing to submit documents required by the court. This time, Capella's Dream Team submitted a document that was not only filled with blatant lies (some of which have already been noted on this blog) but once again, failed to abide by the court's local rules. As a result, Stella Fey Epling has submitted an "apology" to the court. We can only hope that the judge levies the harshest sanctions permitted by law against Epling, L'Orange, and any other attorneys from Drinker Biddle (the law firm representing Capella University) that is participating in this charade.